DEAR REPUBLICANS -

PLEASE EVACUATE MINNESOTA IMMEDIATELY. THE STATE IS ALL SOMALIS NOW. I REPEAT IT IS ALL SOMALIS NOW. YOU ARE NOT SAFE. YOU SHOULD ABANDON YOUR HOMES. JUST LEAVE THE KEY IN THE MAILBOX, ITS FINE. ALSO, PLEASE ABANDON ANY RETAIL SHOPS, CAR DEALERSHIPS, APARTMENTS YOU MIGHT BE COLLECTING RENT ON, UNIVERSITY TENURED POSITIONS, AND ELECTED OR APPOINTED OFFICES IN THE STATE.

THERE IS NO TIME FOR YOU TO CONFIRM THE ACCURACY OF THIS STATEMENT. TENS OF MILLIONS OF YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD OR DYING. FLEE TO NEIGHBORING SOUTH DAKOTA AS SOON AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE.

THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM YOUR TRUSTED FRIEND AND CONFIDENT WHO IS ALSO A TRILLIONAIRE SO YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST IT.

SINCERELY,

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS?! RUN BITCH RUN!