Haha for real, I have seen that a lot and fought not to be that person the second I noticed I wasn’t good at this and it wouldn’t be different.

I went out of my way to have a pretty rough time where I was basically burned out for a couple of years so my kid would always be met with safety and love. But it nearly killed me and is exactly why I only have one.

Those years are too formative to be fucking around with “I’ll just damage you for my own selfish desires.”

Even still I live with guilt most days worrying about the damage I do not really being wired for this. I wish I’d had better self awareness before I got into it all.

So take everything I say as a sample size of 1. I am autistic and have CPTSD from childhood neglect.

Yeah it’s true. But to me it’s not a good thing. It’s that your standards go to shit! I’ve said my whole life that parents don’t seem happier with kids they seem so utterly broken that they are able to celebrate really basic things.

You become thankful for the small things because the big things are gone. You choose to love X because Y is not an option any more etc.

There are chemical processes that make you all lovey dovey for your kid for sure, but to be honest… Definitely not enough. I remember in the first year thinking how did we survive evolutionarily? I would def without a solid moral compass have left this thing in a cave and walked away so many times! 😂

In short, before I had kids I could do what I want, when I wanted, I had friends, I saw my family, I had more money, I could spend time on personal development, I could take a couple of hours to breathe and reset my nervous system if needed, etc. For years those things stop existing and they mostly will not be the same again for at least a decade or so… Even then I don’t know. It’s genuinely a horrific decision in so many ways.

To be honest I’m not entirely sure the whole “your mind clicks a different way” isn’t just a trauma response 😅

Anyways, I know I’m an outlier. But it’s hard for me to really believe folks that speak SO positively of it… I just don’t see it in their lives, they also look like they have given up so much for so little.

Or a submarine.

That it isn’t different when they are your own… I really don’t like young children (like under 3/4 or so.) Thankfully I actually do like them as they age but fuck me are young children the absolute worst (for me).

Just my personal opinion but I think while you are right - a lot of the time it’s almost coincidental that these two factors overlap.

I say that because I think a huge factor is an underlying psychological need to feel powerful and in control. So in their actions they target those who it is easy to feel powerful over. But in their posturing they seek positions that are viewed as powerful.

It’s all a somewhat normal biological drive that healthy people grow through and integrate into their psyche while going on to add things like empathy. For these people that part of their development remains at that of a tiny child. Maybe genetic, maybe trauma, whatever it is they need help - and help far away from the vulnerable and positions of power so people can remain safe until they can (if it’s possible - and I’m not sure it is always) heal.

To be clear - nothing about these people’s actions is OK, they are terrible people. But I do think we should be trying to figure out more why so many of them end up in powerful positions and what we can do about it, is there early interventions we could be putting in place etc. to catch these people and head off their harm at the pass.

So I know i’n replying to this late - but I know Obsidian has a couple of Journaling plugins, Diarian in particular is made to emulate DayOne.

I haven’t used DayOne since I was on a iPhone 4 so it’s been a while but would be worth checking out if you haven’t found a good option yet.

There is an Organic Maps ios app which I use to mostly good effect. Occasionally have to fall back to Google maps and then I make a note to update OSM with the details missing where possible later.

Thanks for saying this - I did click the link but saw it was 45mins and was immediately out until I read the comments.

Incredible video. I love him!

Thanks so much for the reply, I’ll give it a download to play with it - I certainly am a big fan of simple!

This looks great. Thanks so much for your work on this and sharing with us.

What in your opinion sets your software apart from the other options you mention?

I have recently setup dockers for plex, immich, nextcloud and paperlessngx but have yet to look at longterm maintenence inc. things like auto updates (I know to avoid on immich).

As someone who prob knows the options inside and out - would you recommend your option to this relative newbie or do you think one of the other options might be a better place to start?

This was a fantastic read, thanks for sharing.

Like the other commenter I would love to know where I could read more exploring this line of thinking, any pointers?

That they can’t see they are actually saying…

If god is so bad then why did he give we buy Joel Osteen such a giant house??

Kids are easy to manipulate in general. But kids raised in this environment are a predators dream come true.

They are told they are sinners from birth and therefore unlovable outside of god’s infinite generosity of murdering his own kid. They are told whatever happens to them is for a reason and doesn’t need to “make sense” as it makes sense to god. They are taught never to speak out against “gods anointed” and see everyone around them they trust speak of this pastor figure like they are a god.

Predators like these pastors know there is a low chance they will ever talk. Beyond that they know they will be “forgiven” if they are caught a lot of the time. Thinking of that viral clip a couple of years ago of a pastor being given a standing ovation for “bravely coming forward and confessing sexual sin” [r*ping a 14yr old]

The whole thing is a god damn mess and the sooner we are done with it the better.

Literally at this point I assume any headline that mentions a pastor in the first half ends with CSA.

This but also for a lot of people the impact the car has on communities, suburbanisation, defunding public transportation etc. is a big factor in wanting to see change.

Psychotherapist in the UK here. I cannot stress enough that many of these services are quite predatory both on the therapist and clients. Additionally many do not vet their therapists properly.

I don’t know where you are in the EU but your country should have regulating bodies. Here in the UK we have BACP, BPS, COSCA etc. All of which have online directories that let you search by speciality, filter for online/in-person etc. In the UK (and I’ve heard this is true in some other places in Europe but not sure where) you do NOT have to be qualified to call yourself a therapist or counselor so going with someone outside of these regulatory bodies often means you are doing therapy with someone that did a weekend online course. It is also why these online services are full of people you don’t want to be working with.

Before COVID, in the UK we were required to have specialist additional training to work via phone/online but since COVID it’s a bit of a wild west. It is substantially different working online than in person - that can be a very good thing… But it can also be a very bad thing too.

My advise is find a regulatory body, search their directory and look for people who specialize in exactly what you want to work in. Many will tick a box as one of 100 things they can work with - ignore those and look for people that in the description talk about neurodiversity etc.

Oh and finally, good practice is to offer clients a 15-20 min call so you can explain how you work and help them get an idea of if they’d like to work with you. Take advantage of this and talk to 2-4 people first before picking someone. The number 1 metric for positive outcomes in therapy is how well you connect to your therapist, so don’t compromise on that.

If you would like more pointers feel free to ask, I don’t want to overshare info that isn’t relevant.

Capitalism loves to point at mental health - especially after spending decades shaping public views and systemic approaches mental health to be a personal defect and issue.

9x out of 10 psychopathology done thoroughly rather than just ticking off some symptoms in the DSM/ICD identifies above psychological or biological factors the main factor in mental health struggles is sociological.

Simply put: society is depressing people, society is making people anxious… And behind all that it is capitalism that dictates that success and survival is based on ability to produce. And if you fail to produce the whole system is stacked against you to reduce your ability to function mentally.

For folks interested in this I highly recommend checking out Lucy Johnson of the BPS (British Psychological Society)'s Power Threat Meaning Framework for a radical new way to see mental health.

I know some complaints are it doesn’t do anything different to Obsidian to me that is a massive advantage as that’s kinda what I’m looking for. I just want an open source Obsidian, so, it’s on my radar to check in on every few months to see how it is progressing.

Unfortunately, for me the fact that mobile apps seem to be very far out still is an immediate no-go for me as a practical option yet as I do at least 30-50% of my note making / reading on the go.

I had a quick search but couldn’t identify anything obvious… Could you clarify what cloudflare did recently/why one might want to avoid them?

Yes, SO much this! They are firstly more likely to go under the radar due to misconceptions of what ADHD looks like in individuals and then secondly, to add insult to injury, more likely to be dismissed/not believed when it does get put out there.