I used to wear extended wear soft contacts, but I’m a trash goblin and I’d leave them in for a month at a time, only cleaning them by vigorously squirting my eyes with saline when they would bother me.

I cut that shit out years ago when one pretty much glued itself to my eye and I spent an hour aggressively pinching my eye to extract it.

I never got good at putting them in/taking them out. I’m jealous of people in instructional videos that can just pop them in/out in seconds.

Mambo Number 5

I’ve seen, ‘These are Ten Ways You Break Your Cats Heart When You Leave’ and it’s like an hour of sad cats looking up at the camera while the narrator describes normal work/life flow.

I’ve met my people.

Right? I still have a charger cable for a 1987 Black and Decker Dust Buster. The dust buster has been missing for two decades.

Not pictured: Research Chemicals

That would be such a strange thing to have on your current CV.

If we reclaim Panama we can deny Chinese shipping until they decide to play nice. Simple!

Stop trying to make fetched a thing.

Shaka, when the walls rizzed.

Groovy is acceptable, but only in the way Ash from the Evil Dead uses it.

We have to wait for the government to finish shitting the bed, then the corpos can take over and sell whatever bullshit the CEOs think it’s rad.

That’s what the long nails are for.

In a row!?

Men of his caliber are, indeed, rare.

Damp Wizard

The people that didn’t vote are doing it now, I suppose.

Brave.

I’m guessing he went all in investing in a polio crutch company and is frothing at the idea of ROI.

My 401k has gotten up into the 5 digit range a couple times, but emergencies have required me to to drain it. Retirement is a dream I rarely harbor.

I’m working until the day I die. My mother fancies herself retired and rots away in a house she imagines she owns, but it has been property of the bank since before I was born in the 80s. A mortgage that was essentially renting with extra steps.

I’m just whining now, so I’ll stop.

Timeshares. Duh.