Nikkii

lmao

I have two people who seriously matter to me, my boyfriend and my bestie. To them, I matter. I have to keep hobbling forward through this batshit insane garbage evil world no matter what the fuck happens, for them. But I also just want to be the person I deserve to be, I want to fully self-actualize as myself, you know? And so, for those who want to stop me, I live to spite.

They’re such awful people. I feel so bad for all the trans kids in the world. There are so many disgusting people giving them so much grief during what should be the easiest portion of their lives, childhood. I want to hope the future will be brighter, some day, for some generation.

I still haven’t told basically any of my family besides my mother (who I live with) because of how conservative most of them are. Yet I’ve been called my chosen name by coworkers and bosses and going to the store in makeup and holding my purse for more than 8 months now.

My instance Blahaj has downvotes disabled, so I just ignore/block things I don’t like and upvote what I do. I like that better honestly.

The foundation of that game sure doesn’t feel done. I’ve been topping off my friend and my base’s power and taxes and not actually playing for months, in case they ever added the fun.

I think it depends on the nature of what makes us trans.

I have body dysphoria for all the masculine attributes I was cursed with, I prefer the curves and soft traits common to women and preferred by societal norms. If men naturally had the body I want, now, but with the same behavior, societal status, etc, maybe I would be cis, just a little queer, a little effeminate in demeanor.

But since gender is more than just the body, I think, and with all other things the same besides sex traits, I’d almost definitely still be trans. So maybe I would still want to be a woman despite their harder, more angular bodies in this scenario. Those features would be what we consider feminine, and the whole package, rather than one part, is probably the likelier thing to want, psychologically, as a trans person.

Maybe I’d still prefer soft, smooth aesthetics despite the swap, so I’d have a masculine body (soft, smooth), but still identify as female, and with my current effeminate demeanor, instead of being cis. Or maybe I’d want to go through phalloplasty and take my estrogen to become big and bear-ish and enjoy my womanly beard finally growing in, because those things would be viewed as feminine, and I really just want the entire femme package.

Hell if I know! Fun thought experiment.

He was friends with Kirk and talked together on a podcast, at least once. It’s not bait.

Some people use benadryl like a recreational drug. From descriptions I’ve read it just sounds horrible, your vision gets artifacts that look like spiders over every surface, some people see a man with a hat, which is what this cosplay is supposed to be, and I’m probably forgetting other stuff. There have been a number of deaths associated with people doing this to themselves.

It used to in the past, but generally the deeper the reddish brown, all the way up to stripey black, the worse it is for trans people. The deeper the blue, the better. So the pale colors are basically the middle danger/safety ones.

I hadn’t read for fun for like a decade and a half. But in the last few months, I got myself hooked on yuri manga, and then yuri light novels. I kept hitting a wall whenever a manga wasn’t done yet but the light novels were. I just kept saying “fuck it” and finishing with the novel, rather than waiting forever for the rest.

It happened with Otherside Picnic, it happened with I’m in Love with the Villainess, and a couple of others. Then I started just buying more ebooks, standalone stories without manga adaptations, for the fuck of it. Reading is great.

I just watched a Kyle Hill video yesterday about Mirrored life forms, where their DNA spins the opposite direction from ours, and how that would make them exceptionally incompatible and dangerous to us, like nanobot Grey Goo but biological. And how that would potentially wipe out all life on earth, and how we should definitely not be screwing around with engineering weird new forms of life.

And, while this isn’t that specific thing, here we see science once again getting closer to constructing the Torment Nexus, for profit and memes. Incredible.

This particular movie, Nausicaa, also shows the fungal forests and the giant insects within are

It’s actually a very good source material to use as a backdrop here.

but it’s not for them. It’s for us,

I think that’s like half the reason these people are so foul to us. So much self-importance that the idea that any piece of media, even ones they probably didn’t give a shit about in the first place, would not mindlessly glaze all the concepts they’ve built themselves around (straight, cis, white, etc) feels like an attack. The most tiring self-victimizing middle-aged toddlers in the world.

❤️ I think I’d still be in the closet myself if not for getting so worked up by the election results back in November. I had started hrt on the down-low back in 2023, but I wasn’t out to anyone. I didn’t want those pricks to take away my ability to rename myself. So I rushed to get everything changed, though they still did screw me on the passport. Out to my coworkers and some of my family, plus everyone I do business with, and way happier for it, even if things are really far from ideal.

That scene was so wild, lmao

I waited like 10 years from the time I first started suspecting myself being trans, all because I felt like it couldn’t really be that way for me, and I was probably just faking, and every other excuse under the sun, plus also not knowing how to get care anyway. I sure wish I had started transitioning way back then…

I didnt experience this with Johnny’s outfit, the wardrobe menu definitely let me overwrite my appearance with his stuff while wearing whatever random crap underneath for the stats.

The USA’s screwed. Even now, it’s likely gonna be decades just to get it back to somewhere reasonable. But knowing voters, they’d self-sabotage those efforts anyway, no matter how fucked up it gets. I’m sure Billy Joe from bumfuck nowhere in the Bible Belt would rather have a law saying that air now costs money to breathe, and the penalty for not paying is some military cops gunning down him and his dog and wife and kids, before he’d ever let some liberal give him healthcare.

I wish someone would spirit me away to somewhere sane, I really don’t want to be around as this place gets worse and worse.

These statements don’t seem mutually exclusive.