So I’m on the cross country team in college, and occasionally, we have to travel for our meets. I really struggle with traveling. The packing, stops, sleeping away from college, and changes in plans always have me freaked out. We also have a new coach this season, and it will be just him traveling with us, since the two assistant coaches are gone now.

Today, we are traveling to Louisville, and I am super nervous. We have been driving for about four hours, but I’ve already been faced with a ton of hardships. It started last night. My coach texted us with details at the last minute. I have a really hard time when I’m not given details ahead of time, since I get nervous when I don’t know what to expect.

For example, last year, my three coaches had everything laid out for us the week before, and gave us additional details throughout the week. This is an example of the difference in plans from last year to this year:

Last year we had the following information: What time we were eating, where and when we were stopping, what we would be getting for food on the way and after, what race we were in and the time, what hotel we were in and who we were sleeping with, and what we would be doing once we arrived. This was all given to us a week in advance.

This year, we were only given what time we were eating and what we were doing when we arrived. My coach told us that we were going to decide what to eat when we are on the bus, and two weeks ago, came up with a stupid rule that once we eat at a certain restaurant, we will not go there again. My old coach was better, he always got us the same thing and even gave us a budget because he was cheap lol. I have a limited amount of places I can eat at due to my eating issues, so this was not easy for me to adjust to. It’s been especially hard because my coach always forces us to get something regardless if we want it or not.

Today I got extremely lucky, as my coach told us that we would be going to my two favorite restaurants. However, when we got in there, about half the stuff on the menu had run out, so I was left with only one safe option. I had no problem ordering it as I was literally the only person that knew what they wanted, so I went first. My coach was passing out the food, and when he got to me, said, “That’s all you got?” I was terrified because he has a very loud voice and tends to get loud whenever he is surprised, happy or angry. Anyway, I got my food, and realized that I didn’t have a spoon for it. I was terrified to speak up since everyone always looks at me funny or tends to single me out. I ended up eating with my hands and being discreet about it.

On top of it, I had an unexpected event happen earlier today. So when we got to our first stop, our coach forced us to get out and go to the bathroom. Once we got inside, the whole place was like a maze. Everything was scattered everywhere. When we finally got to the bathroom, we noticed that all the doors were closed but we couldn’t see under the stills, so we had to guess which ones were open. There were no labels, so we had no idea. One of my teammates went first, and she got in safely. I decided to take a risk and open one too, but to my surprise, there was a woman in there. She yelped when she saw me, and the whole girls team witnessed this. I was so embarrassed. Once I finally got to an open stall, I realized that there were no locks. Like seriously? What kind of bathroom doesn’t have a place to lock the doors?

I’m a little nervous for tonight because apparently we’re going out to dinner. I’m nervous about not having anyone to sit with, since this restaurant can only fit 4-8 to a table, and I really don’t talk to a lot of people on the team since 90% of them speak Spanish and I have no idea what they’re saying, plus I get super nervous to speak up sometimes.

I wanted to come on this trip to prove to my aunt that I can handle loud and fast paced environments, literally just so I can get a job, and also to get her to stop protecting me from the chaos, as all it’s done is make me struggle more. She has no idea about this trip, I am already taking a big step going on my own without my parents or family. I did it last year, but it was easy because I knew what to expect.

Has anyone else struggled with changes in plans and/or being on the quiet side? Sorry this just sounds like a big ranting session.