Maybe someone can help me with a question my 10yr old put to me.

‘A few people (in school) think of me as their best friend but I don’t think the same way, I’m best friends with Bob (not his real name :)) instead, and don’t like playing with the others as much. How do I deal with that?’

My initial response was something along the lines of ‘just be as good a mate as you can and be kind to the others’ but I’m not sure I’m getting the nuance.

Any pointers?

  • bus_factor@lemmy.worldEnglish
    9·
    14 days ago

    First of all, it looks like your child is well liked among his peers, which is great and something for both of you to be proud of! Clearly your child is doing something right.

    Feelings not being mutual can be tricky to navigate from both sides. It’s not clear from your description whether your child considers these other kids friends or not. If he is friends with all of them, there is no problem. He can just continue doing what he’s doing and everyone will be happy. Maybe the other kids just haven’t found their Bob yet, and your kid is the best friend they have even though he plays more with Bob. Best friend status doesn’t need to be mutual.

    If he’s not friends at all with someone who considers him their best friend, that can be a problem. If the other kids are bothering him, you have a mild stalking situation on your hands, and your child might need to learn to set some boundaries, or get help enforcing them.

    So how to handle this really depends on whether these other kids are bothering your kid or not.

    • foofiepie@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      6·
      13 days ago

      Thanks. Yep he seems to have been like this from the get go, right back in kindergarten, much more of an extrovert than me. 😂

      Had a chat with him tonight about this and there’s no ill will, they all play happily. There is one kid who is seen as a ‘problem’ child who is a bit clingy with him but I think he’s less concerned about that and more with any ‘politics’ with the others eg ‘I thought you were my best friend but you’re Bob’s’ etc.

      Thinking of making the point that perhaps the term ‘best friend’ shouldn’t be fretted about, as they’re all good friends in different ways.

      He understood it doesn’t have to be mutual or exclusive which seemed to help.