Aliens be judging your kinks and fetishes… 👀
Yes, we are. Please stop masturbating. Thanks.
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Come down here and probe my anus, then, you gray cowards!
I mean, you can keep doing it if you want to, some of uh, them, might not mind it so much.
Exactly. If humans can have an extremely diverse range of kinks and fetishes, just imagine the kinds that advanced civilizations might have.
Keep talking…
I’m always open to new ideas
42 gallon jar of baconaise, magic the gathering common cards, and a box of matches!
I don’t think I need to go on.
This again? They said NEW ideas!
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Please stop masturbating
Abso-fucking-lutely not
No.
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I’ll stop jacking it if you stop watching me, untill then imma be out there doing it San Diego style.
Baby, tech companies are doing all that right now.
Or maybe aliens just don’t care. We may not be that special.
Occasionally you do observe the woodpeckers in your backyard, but ignore the crows in the forest. Maybe there’s an ornithologist who cares about those crows, but most of us just can’t be bothered.
The government and corporations can do that too
Bold of you to assume I’m unaware
You know that documentary show “Spy in the Wild” where they film animals using animatronics that look like those animals. Well aliens are probably doing it right now to us. Lifelike androids are among us. Some of us are even married to them and have kids with them. The aliens are so advanced that they can build human robots that are humanlike down to the cell.
They live!
I kinda like this variation on the theme:
They clenched around the world like a fist, each black as the inside of an event horizon until those last bright moments when they all burned together. They screamed as they died. Every radio up to geostat groaned in unison, every infrared telescope went briefly snowblind. Ashes stained the sky for weeks afterwards; mesospheric clouds, high above the jet stream, turned to glowing rust with every sunrise. The objects, apparently, consisted largely of iron. Nobody ever knew what to make of that.
For perhaps the first time in history, the world knew before being told: if you’d seen the sky, you had the scoop. The usual arbiters of newsworthiness, stripped of their accustomed role in filtering reality, had to be content with merely labeling it. It took them ninety minutes to agree on Fireflies. A half hour after that, the first Fourier transforms appeared in the noosphere; to no one’s great surprise, the Fireflies had not wasted their dying breaths on static. There was pattern embedded in that terminal chorus, some cryptic intelligence that resisted all earthly analysis. The experts, rigorously empirical, refused to speculate: they only admitted that the Fireflies had said something. They didn’t know what.
Everyone else did. How else would you explain 65,536 probes evenly dispersed along a lat-long grid that barely left any square meter of planetary surface unexposed? Obviously the Flies had taken our picture. The whole world had been caught with its pants down in panoramic composite freeze-frame. We’d been surveyed—whether as a prelude to formal introductions or outright invasion was anyone’s guess.
You think I don’t notice??? I say outloud “I WANT TO BUY CATFOOD!!!” and then suddenly later that week, by pure coincidence, at the supermarket, there just “happens” to be a whole isle of various pet foods??? Yeah. I think not! That whole scheme is just an alien scheme to get me to adopt that french cat who follows me around town speaking french all day! I tried telling him! MR CAT! I DON’T SPEAK YOUR FRENCH LANGUAGE!!! YOU NEED TO BEFRIEND A TRANSLATOR TO TALK TO ME!!! NO HABLAH ESPENOL!!!"
But there he is. Every day, just trying to talk to me like “J’ai un chat dans mon pantalon”.
And you’re trying to tell me this cat is just a natural wild animal? This is the work of aliens for sure! Otherwise this cat would walk to Quebec Canada where they tolerate that kind of frenchness.
What? You think cats give a shit about our borders, and passports??? Bitch, have you met a cat???
Easy way to verify if your phone is spying on you:
wispers “Hey, Let’s kill [Name of the leader of your country]”
If you hear police sirens, congrats, your phone cheated on you! Now you know…
💀💥🔫👮♂️ gunshots echoing in the distance…
Unless these aliens can break the laws of physics their cameras will produce heat and have to send signals somewhere. So we’ll be able to detect them.
Humans didn’t even have the technology to observe most of the eletromagnegtic spectrum for like practically all of human history apart from the recent hundred of years or so, bold of you to assume there isn’t higher form of techology that’s undetectable to us. I mean, the North Sentinese and other uncontacted tribes around the world still can’t even fanthom that we are talking to each other using radiowaves in the air.
There is this sci-fi novel called Three Body Problem and
spoiler
the aliens used a high tech AI supercomputer called the “Sophons” that can be invisible to humans and are spying on Earth in order to plan for an invasion. Humans only figured out after scientists started dying, seemingly mysteriously.
Its sci-fi, but like, they could just take advantage of the tech we already have and hack our servers to gather data, and even if humans figure it out about the hacking, they would just think it was human criminal and its just labeled as a “databreach”. (Who knows, maybe one of the databreaches are actually just aliens gathering data.)
Like… goverments run by humans already out so much cameras in the streets, aliens can just… tap into the feed lol. Use our own surveillance state against us.
bold of you to assume there isn’t higher form of techology that’s undetectable to us.
I think it’s very unlikely that there will ever be a technology that can get around fundamental laws of nature, like entropy.
Same way people in the past probably said there’s no way you can make anything work without a mechanical mechanism? Can you imagine what an electronic device/chip would look to someone from far past? People thought humans couldn’t fly.
Those “fundamental science” is just us making sense of the universe in a way we can observe it and even then we don’t know everything. Can you imagine how different the universe looks if you just shift the electro magnetic waves you can see.
Same way people in the past probably said there’s no way you can make anything work without a mechanical mechanism?
No, I don’t think it’s comparable. We’ve figured out most of the big picture, now it’s mostly just filling in gaps here and there and making correction. I doubt there is an entire new force or field hiding that would allow completley undetectable communications from us. Maybe you could do something with neutrinos, we’re quite bad at detecting them for now.
Can you imagine how different the universe looks if you just shift the electro magnetic waves you can see.
Yeah, I’ve looked through an infrared camera and seen pictures from x-ray telescopes.
Lmao. I’ve heard that one before. Almost 200 year ago in fact.
Just called it a bit too early. But that’s mostly where we at now, technology is just catching up to theoretical physics. But I doubt we’ll get many more discoveries on the same society-changing level like electricity or radio waves were.
But hey, it would be much more interesting if I’m wrong.
I tried going down this line of thinking too, but any assumption you make is predicated on the belief that they would use means that we are familiar with. Just because we do not know of a way to do such and such does not mean it does not exist. This post is referring to a fundamental epistemic problem.
I mean, yeah. If someone had the technology to not only fly half a billion light years to get to our little mud ball (in person or with advanced machines) they’d have a trivial time hiding and blending in. Most likely for the same reason, since there’s literally nothing we have that they could want other than to study us as a curiosity. The only resource we have that they couldn’t find easier and more abundantly, or reproduce from samples, is our culture. That’s it, that’s the only thing we have that might be considered with the effort. Not water, air, energy, precious metals, phosphorous, brains, mates, food, slaves, vassals, soldiers, or anything else that would be worth the trip.
I mean, if you can reasonably bridge the gulf between stars, scientific advancement is basically all that’s left, unless it’s just your culture to be slaving, warmongering dickheads. Your home solar system probably has all the raw materials and energy you could ever ask for.
I think honestly that is the most likely answer to why aliens have not visited, they just are not interested.
The birds are watching you.
Try leaving bird seeds. They’ll know instantly, because they’re always watching you.
If you don’t leave bird seeds they will find your car and shit on it.
your car
Laughs in lack of driving license
They saw the horrors that our species can do in wars and promptly left the planet
I always thought it was the transmissions of zombies, vampires, Werewolf, yokai, and godzilla.
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Yes they do … it’s called Pornhub
Turns out that aliens had it easy from the very start … whenever they needed info or intel on human beings, human lives, even human samples … all they had to do was to entice them with sex or kinks or some sort of weird fetish or something
All the aliens had to do was do a couple of anal probs, and that would automatically give them access to several hundred or thousands of humans that automatically became interested in this specific fetish and would just come looking for the aliens without even having to be asked or coerced.
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Of course they do! Where do you think birds come from? Or do you really think they are real?
Birds are just Jabberjays
