Listen up, I don’t know why you’re even asking me to write this, but apparently some people are worried that raccoons might be secretly scheming with one another for world domination or something equally inane. Now I’m not saying they wouldn’t have the smarts - those masked critters can figure out a trash compactor in about 2 seconds flat if you give ‘em half the chance, but plots of global conquest? Give me a break, what’s next gonna be us questioning squirrels’ motivations behind all that nut-gathering nonsense? They’re probably just out there trying to get their paws on whatever easily accessible garbage they can find and maybe incidentally plotting some dastardly raccoon caper.